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Duck-dynasty-men

The following pasta is written by Sizzling Bacon

I had once gone to Best Buy to buy a TV. I was searching down the isles when I found the perfect TV. It had a silvery chrome frame, and it had a million pixles. It was a Sonny, so be exact. Me and my wife were looking for the best TV we could find and that was it. 

I decided to buy it, but when I saw the price my jaw dropped to the floor. It was five thousand, two-hundred and thirty-one dollars. It was almost as much as my car I had bought, but I owned a huge house full of kids so I decided to buy it. When I got to the clerk, he laughed. I could tell that he'd never seen a man like me buy a $5,231 TV! I didn't care about what he thought, though. 

After attempting to get it into the back of the car, I realized that I'd need help. Some of the Best Buy staff helped me hoist the TV in the car, and I drove to my mansion of a house. I needed help getting the TV into the house, so some Best Buy staff drove along with me to my house, and my wife helped too. We eventually got it into its place and I plugged it in. My kids decided to watch Woody Woodpecker, and went to bed. Me and my wife watched some CSI, and then she went to bed. Now it was just me, but I wish everybody was there to see the lost episode I was about to see... but before that, I decided to get in bed and go to sleep. Later that night, I got out of bed, awoken by something.

I decided to get out of bed and go investigate, but then, when I came downstairs, I realized it was now coming from the living room. I went in, and realized it was just my TV, and Duck Dynasty credits was on it. I could have sworn I had turned the TV off, and decided to turn it off for once and for all until I heard a loud buzzing noise. I should have been ocupied on trying to fix the TV, but I was interested and slumed into my mamoth couch. The TV was on static, but returned to the TV show, which happened to be another Duck Dynasty coming on. I was a little shooken when there was a loud shout, very abrupt, but I just thought it was the channel. The episode began with the Robertsons having dinner at their huge table, a lot like mine. They were simply eating joyfully, before Willie, who was walking towards the narrow table gasped.

"We forgot to pray!" Willie says, very uncharacteristically.

I had forgotten that the Robertsons were christains.

"Doesn't matter."  replies Jase, very uncharacteristically, also.

Everyone stared at him for a while, before returning to eating. Then, everything goes black. The camera stays on solid black for a few minutes before the camera cuts to Phil pursuiting a large bear. 

"Come here!" Phil says very uncharacteristically also, as he tries to shoot it with his shotgun.

He finally drops it, and it hits the ground. The trigger goes back, before shooting Phil in the leg.

"****!" he screams wildly in pain, the closed captioning bleaps out the bad word.

He collapses, before the camera returns to black again. When the camera starts up again, then it shows Willie and Jep are wandering around the woods, calling out Phil's name.

"He's been gone for a while." Jep says, worried as he looks under a rock.

"I know, he hasn't been back for 3 hours." Phil says, worried like Jep.

Eventually, they find Willie's dead carcass being eaten by bugs and flies.

"Shoo you nasty vermin!" Jep says very angrily.

They both look at Willie's dead body, before beginning to cry. They suppose they'll have to tell everyone, and go back home. There is then a wild bear-like roar, and the two turn around. The bear that Willie was trying to shoot is running towards them.

"AAAHHHH!" Jep screams.

The two start running wildly, then the camera cuts to solid black again. The camera starts up again, and... and... and.... Jep and Phil are dead. However, they are not alone. The bear is eating the flesh off their bodies, and there's lots of blood. I screamed, and cut the TV off... but I didn't see the ending, of course, because I was very afraid. I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the tiolet. But, of course, I have one question. What was with that episode? Was that the real Willie, Jep, and Phil? How can they be killed and appear alive and healthy in new episodes?

It doesn't make any sense at all. I contacted the company that produces Duck Dynasty, and asked them about the lost episode. They said that they had no idea what I was talking about, and immediately hung up. I knew exactly that they were lying, because they would talk more about it, and would say it so abrupt. That is why I don't watch Duck Dynasty anymore, because of the incident. My only theory is that someone thought it would be funny to air a fake episode of Duck Dynasty, and get a good laugh. I don't think they used CGI for the gore, though. I think the gore and carcasses were real.

So, this is my story, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I didn't. Even though YOU haven't witnessed the lost episode, that doesn't mean you should watch Duck Dynasty...

Or maybe it does....

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