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Written by jeffersonmars. Also available on Reddit.


As a child born in the 80's it's pretty hard to avoid Home Alone. I saw the movie just about every Christmas for years. Along with the sequel, I remember seeing that in theaters. The movie really changed my life, even at 7 years old. I wanted to make traps. I wanted be like Kevin. I had a talkboy, I was never able to pull off a prank call. Id do simple traps at first, like a rack covered in leaves, or the bucket on top of the door. This stuff wasn't original, I know I was stealing the movie or just cartoon stuff.

I got away with a fair amount. Putting a quarter in a cupcake and making someone bite into it, but hey, they got free quarter. My friends and I once tricked a kid into thinking a slide was broken, like it had static cling or something. We were using a rope he couldn't see tied to the top so we couldn't slide down. He slide down into a big puddle. Just soaked him, we had dug it deeper the day before, it was hilarious. None of these pranks got notice of teachers. I just kept on getting away with it.

Eventually I lost interest in doing it as people stopped believing anything I said or did. So, fair enough, I stopped. Plus I got sonic 2 that Christmas and that pretty much took over all my creative energy. Drawing pictures of sonic, tails, robots and stuff. It was my world. One kid Jacob was still out for revenge about some trap or prank I pulled on him. I probably got him a lot. He kept on grabbing my drawings and crumpling them up. He'd just straight throw rocks at me, nothing he did was clever or creative, he was a pain to everyone. I had stopped my tricks. One day he tries to pick a fight with me in the bathroom and my friend Steven steps up and gets in Jacobs way. Jacob was bigger and pushed him down and held him down, on the floor and was shouting "lick it" and Steven was trying to get free. I got help and some teachers broke it up. Still, I was so mad, I knew what I wanted to do. I thought about Home Alone 2 and how just haunting the scene where Marv gets shocked. His bones flash on the screen. It stuck with me months after seeing the movie, I don't know what it was as a kid, but that really said it to me, electricity is the key. I wanted to kill Jacob.

I worked on this "trap" for a while. I realized I could give Jacob some exlax and give him the runs and he'd have to go the bathroom and then he'd sit in a seat, but I'd rig it to give when he sits on it so he falls in the water, which would then shock him and kill him. The break away toilet seat was going to be easy. I rigged that up in the handicap stall right away, tested it out and had a nice wet butt to prove it. I tapped it back up and hoped no one notice it was broken so I could just untape it later.

I figured I could electrocute him with one of our old hairdryers. We had 3 in the house, a sleek looking red one, a big one my mom and sister used and this old brown one. I grabbed the one one and smashed it up. That got all the casing off of it and left me with some parts. I wasn't sure what was what but I knew I needed to hide in the bowl so I took more off. I was left with some odd looking wires. I got myself a frog and a bucket of water. I put the wires in the bucket, then plugged it in and then dropped the frog in. Dead frog. Seemed good enough to me. I wanted to rig it all up during lunch. I came up with a plan and told Steve I was going to trick Jacob into having diarrhea. He was so into it. I told him Id try to trick him into eating your lunch. Steve got it and we played some reverse psychology to get Jacob to steal our dummy bag of lunch and Jacob ate it up, with the exlax and all. I went to the bathroom to set up my trap. Steve kept a look out and we made sure no one else used the handicap stall. I then hid in the next stall where I could plug in the the parts to an extension cord.

I heard the moaning and shuffling of Jacob. He saw Steve who was laughing. Steve had no idea what I had in mind. Jacob made my friend lick the floor of this bathroom, it felt so right to have him back in here. Jacob was huffing like out of my way dweeb or something. He couldn't use my stall and saw someone was in it and I heard him shuffle on over to the handicap stall.

I hear him panicking as he take his pants off. Im just holding these two cords hoping he hasn't noticed me. I figure it's time, I plug it in. Just as I do Jacob is sitting on the to the seat and I hear a gargled disgusting noise of his bowels expelling whatever decaying matter that were retained in them. The gargle was soon joined by the splash and bubbling noise of him hitting the water. There was almost immediate joy from Steve's mouth as he is laughing, enjoying the revenge. Hearing a bully defecate in toilet water, truly a unique and pleasurable satisfaction. The grunts and noise further didn't last as the next noise we heard was Jacobs body hitting the ground. I unplugged the cord and quickly snuck from under the stall. Steve was laughing so hard I don't think he heard a thing I was doing. I yanked all the pieces away. I took all the tape and cords and I stuffed them into my backpack. Jacob was passed out there and looked rather dead. I snuck back into the stall and I just wasn't laugh like Steve was. I opened it and I smiled at him, telling Steve how good we got him.

I went back out to recess and Steve followed me. They didn't realize Jacob was missing till the lunch break was over. They checked the bathrooms pretty quickly, the school was pretty good about keeping it quiet. We all heard the ambulance truck, but they had turned off the lights and siren just as they got to the school. No one was alerted to the fact that there was a dead body in the bathroom.

An assembly was called for all classes grade 1-3. They showed us some video about pollution and how dirt and the sun made our lunch. It was just a way to get us all in one place and not see them wheel a corpse out. Teachers must have been calling parents too, they distracted us well.

The following days we had more assembly's and talked about Jacob and not really mentioned how he died. It's like they didn't know he was murdered. They must have known, right? Or maybe they just had no idea who could do something like that? I kind of couldn't believe it myself. I made Jacob do a lot more than lick that floor, but I still kind of get goosebumps this time of year when the Home Alone movies come on TV. It's hard to watch them, that scene with Marv's skeleton is so much more chilling to me now.

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