Everyone knows Siskel and Ebert, or better known as At the Movies. But there is a lost episode of that program. The show itself aired in 1975 under Sneak Previews for PBS, and it featured two movie critics, Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, where they rate movies with thumbs. If the movie is good, it gets a thumbs up. If the movie is bad, it's a thumbs down, and they were notable for that. It was moved to ABC as Siskel and Ebert At the Movies, and when Gene died, he was replaced with Richard Roeper and was called, Ebert and Roeper At the Movies, and then Roger Ebert thyroid cancer in 2006, and was replaced with many critics, before switching the title to At the Movies, and discontinued its run in 2010, and Ebert died three years later.
For those wondering, yes, I do love movies. Movies from series like, Transformers, Saw, Resident Evil, Twilight, and Tyler Perry. I work as an usher at a dollar cinema and get to watch those movies, because I love having no taste. So why the fuck am I telling you this? Because, as I was cleaning theatre 5, I found a VHS tape that said, "AT THE MOVIES WITH GENE AND ROGER" which is Siskel and Ebert. Of course, the tape had a smiley face and said in tiny letters, "Get new taste." That really didn't make sense. But anyway, I was risking the job, so I grabbed the tape and left the theatre. I ran like there was a fire, and I immediately drove home in my 1952 Volkswagen to my $900,000 apartment.
I put the tape inside the VHS player, trying to figure out where the coax cables go. Believe me, it's been long since I actually used the VHS player. Technology is rising as much as immigration laws from President Obama.
I noticed that this episode was made in 2014, since it had the copyright date. Strange, considering that both Siskel and Ebert died before this lost episode, and the show ended in 2010. But they appear in this episode. Shocker!
Of course, Gene looked really disheveled. It looked like he had a bad hair day, if you know what I mean. And Roger Ebert looked really nervous, as he had a noose around his neck. "Welcome to Siskel and Ebert at the movies, I am Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun Times and I am having a terrible case of who-gives-a-fuck!" He cursed! Never did he curse in the show! The camera cuts to Gene Siskel, who looked really sinister. "I'm Gene Siskel of the Chicago Tribune and I burnt half of my popcorn." They then talk about eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew, which had nothing to do with the episode.
So they talk about the first movie, which is Nobody Likes Droopy Dog. That's not even a movie! Droopy was a short film series from Tex Avery! And there is no such movie as Nobody Likes Droopy Dog! Roger said, "What I like about this movie is that Droopy killed himself with a gun! And I have thyroid cancer!" Strange, he never mentioned that in the show! The next part scared the shit out of me...
Gene Siskel chokes Roger Ebert and says, "I give this piece of shit a thumbs up! And I'm gonna penetrate my thumb up your ass, Roger, and it's gonna be nice and zesty!" Gross! To add insult to injury, he shoves his entire thumb into Roger's ass! I didn't wanna see that!
This was too gross for me, and it's not even over, I got ready to shut the tape off, but then Gene Siskel said directly to me, "If you shut this tape off, I will thumb your dick down." Tapes talk now? Jesus... And he was still choking Roger Ebert. I mean, for Christ's sake!
So Gene Siskel talks about the next movie, and believe me, the next movie was not a movie, it was a lost episode. It was the lost episode of the Jetsons. I get to see clips, but with Siskel laughing loudly offscreen. Then the camera cuts to Gene Siskel holding a baseball bat, as this episode turned into COPS. He picked up the baseball bat and broke the balcony chairs, the screen, everything! BANG BANG!
Richard Roeper, who actually appeared after Siskel's death, is in this episode, and he said, "Gene. You must be a lizard." Gene Siskel said, "And why the fuck is that?" Richard replied, "Because... we are the lizards." The camera pans to Roeper's eyes, as the pupils move for the remainder of this episode.
I shut the tape off. I mean, is this a joke?! IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE?! What was that? Then, I saw some lost episode tapes that appeared out of nowhere. Stuff like Nobody Likes Droopy Dog, Lost Episode of the Jetsons, Lost Episode of X-Men, etc. I really wanna know who sent me the tapes.
Well, Gene Siskel reviewed the first two, so... it has to be me.