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THE 'SCHIZIMATIC LOST EPISODES SERIES' FINALE (Part 1 2) Teletubbies17:36

THE 'SCHIZIMATIC LOST EPISODES SERIES' FINALE (Part 1 2) Teletubbies.

The author of this story is Schizma, this is the 260th creepypasta narrated by DaveTheUseless

The storyEdit

I had acquired the tape at a garage sale. I know what you’re thinking already: garage sales are for the sale of garages, not tapes. Little do you know how wrong you are. I had acquired numerous treasures at this garage sale. A copy of a Pamela Anderson video game for the PS1, a t-shirt of Joe Biden with the caption “NO BIDEN 2014” and yes, a VHS tape.It was a lost episode. Yes, I know what you’re thinking already. Why would a grown man in his late 40’s buy a Teletubbies VHS tape? Sorry, Judgemental Mc. Judgerson. I happen to enjoy this program regardless of what you think. This show wasn’t even out during the heyday of VHS tapes, which confused me something terrible. Confused me something terrible.Something concerned me instantly when I put this tape on. The teletubbies weren’t dong what they usually do at all. Something bizarre was happening to their bodies as they grabbed their asscheeks and began to shake. “Uh oh!” they yelled. “Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.”I looked at the sun, which was normally a baby. To my horror, it was Hitler. Adolph Hitler, the leader of Germany during world war 2.  You know the televisions where the teletubbies usually tub around? It was instead real holocaust videos and a  schizoid, angry man with orange hair leering through them.I didn’t buy this VHS at Walmart because I wanted to watch a great program.  I bought it to be more culturally enlightened. Some weird german music began to play as a bunch of skeletons began to recite the word pink. “Pink. Pink.” Pink. “Pink Pink Pink.” What happened to this show? I used to love it. It used to mean something to me. The skeletons all began to dance and assemble tanks and war machines with visible swastikas.Then I heard a man with a German voice begin to whisper. “Go into your parents’ bedroom and check for a weapon. It could be a rifle, or even a baseball bat. While your parents are sleeping, beat them over the head and kill them. Mail the body to [ADDRESS REDACTED]The teletubbies began to dance around while the background caught on fire and skeletons marched across the screen.I shut the tape off. It was 12 AM and I had wasted my entire evening. My entire evening was wasted. So wasted, was this evening, that I hadn’t even gotten to eat dinner. But dinner I would eat. What’s open at 12 AM?! Not Wendy’s, not Mcdonald’s, not Crystal, not Sonic, not Jack-in-the-fucking box.The Hitler sun smiled and began to whisper to me. “Taco Bell is open.” Strange, I had shut the tape off. Maybe I meant the actual night-sun, the moon, or perhaps there was a glitch in the VHS design system. Various wires in the back needed to to be altered.I drove to the Taco Bell on the corner of University and commercial. Strangely enough, I saw some weird creatures  inside where the restaurant would normally be locked at this hour. One was red, one yellow, one purple and one pink. Wait a minute- they looked like…I drove up to the drive through, but the man was very angry. “What the fucking SHIT do you want?!” he yelled. I was offended at the cursing. I looked into the kitchen area where I saw a huge stack of VHS tapes near the Gordita assembly line. I ordered a cheesy crunch wrap, politely licking my lips. The cashier had a slim, porn-star stache and bucked teeth. He was wearing a bowling alley t-shirt and looked like Willem Da Foe with cancer. He licked his lips.I was becoming increasingly concerned that something was happening in the kitchen. “What’s going on in there?” I asked. “None of your concern dear boy.” He had a country accent. “None of your concern at all.” Now his accent was Irish. His eyes began to bulge. He was bleeding from the ear. “DRIVE ‘ROUND TO COMPLETE YOUR ORDER!” He yelled.There was a dead person in the kitchen with his organs and intestines spewing out. A trail of blood led to a meat grinder that was obviously at the start of the assembly line. “Just a little Halloween attraction for the kids.” The man snickered, and handed me a taco. It was April. “We…like to get started early.” He smiled.  I saw the four teletubbies holding balloons in the eating area, one was cleaning the bathroom though. Oh my goodness. “The tubbies!’” I yelled excitedly, drooling from the mouth and anus. I started to advance toward one but they looked…weird. One was missing an eye. The other seemed like a cracked porcelain doll. The purple one opened its mouth, revealing row after row of sharp sanded teeth like a trash compactor. At the end of the hole filled with teeth was an eye shaped apparatus that squirted blood at me. The blood felt like a corrosive acid that burned away at my urethra. “Franklin!” the man yelled, running around angrily, hitting both me and the teletubbies with a mop and bucket.The man bent over, heaving, as a skeleton covered in parasites crawled out of his asscheeks and left the bowling alley mustache man laying like a disposed candy wrapper on the floor. A huge green light emenated from the sky as the roof of the taco bell exploded and a ship with Hitler’s face on it descended from the sky. The four teletubbies collected all of the tapes from the kitchen and stood under the pale green light. They were slowly lifted, lifted, lifted into the sky before being beamed away. The skeleton covered in ass parasites and taco meat came at me with a knife. Instead of stabbing me, he got two inches from me, chopped up a GMO tomato and placed it in my taco. “Have a nice day.” He smiled. And then his bones fell to pieces and the ass parasites melted into the floor.I was starting to think that this wasn’t a “typical” Taco Bell experience, and filled out a comment card describing the teletubby aliens, attempted murder, hitler space ship and skeletal ass creature. But my pen would no longer write for some reason.I-      Had to get out of town. This whole experience was just too weird for me. I decided to drive to the police station, but they were closed. I suddenly noticed that one of the homes at the corner of the block was open. There looked to be some weird figure sitting by the television.I won’t lie, I, in a fit of rage and horror broke the window and climbed through. I went into the parent’s bedroom and found a golf club. I approached the figure in the chair and beat it to death.  Blood began to squirt all over the place as I saw the teletubbies beaming green light directly into my head.II-     The streets were completely empty and I realized that the four horseman of the apocalypse may have finally come. I ran down the street, crying my eyes out, begging for tinky winky to come and save me from this horrible fat. But the tubbies were everywhere. I could see them crawling through the alley way, climbing up the walls, teletubbies of every color. “Pink. Pink. Pink. Pink” they laughed a laughter like I’d never heard before.III-    I looked at my watch. Wait a minute. Wait- wait a minute. I whistled for a cab. I struggled to jimmy the door open, knowing no one would believe any of these horrible experiences when I found the cab driver sitting rather- inhumanely. “Horses can’t drive…” he started. I became increasingly concerned. “HORSES CAN’T DRIVE!” The head turned around revealing an angry horse with flaring nostrils, bloodshot eyes and drizzly drool. The horse hit the accelerator and the car careened down the busy highway and intersection, killing countless people who were all horses.IV-     The horses intentionally stood in the way as the cab crashed into them, sending bloody horse chunks that fell into my mouth and mixed with the taco that I was eating to make for a delicacy I would’ve enjoyed had I not been on the brink of murder. The cab crashed into a wall and exploded. The entirety of my skin was instantly singed off and both of my eyeballs popped and exploded. My nose slammed into my skull, splitting me open like a ripe cantaloupe as pieces of my brain flew out the window. I could see seagulls picking on the remains of my destroyed braincap as a familiar face descended upon me. It was George Jetons. His face looked more like papier mache and he had clearly gotten facial reconstruction surgery to look different, but I recognized that face anywhere.V-      I would’ve said something, given my past history with Mr. Jeton, but I was essentially dead . Two smiling teletubbies approached and picked me up.VI-     George began unzipping his pants and his horrific nutsack had evolved to have three chambers. The three testicular chambers teabagged my chin as he laughed incessantly.I woke up in a sound studio. My neck felt funny. Stiff, even. Was hard to say. My eyes were bigger, stiffer. My face was glassier. My ears hurt because they were oversized. I reached over to pick up a vanity mirror but I realized my large purple hand had no fingers. My initial attempt to dial 9-1-1 failed because my hands were too malformed to press the buttons.I was… a teletubby. I could hear telepathic thoughts of two men arguing about pasta in another room. Concerned, I tried standing up but my stubby legs hurt like hell. I felt a piece of my head and peeled it open to reveal that there was cotton stuffing shoved in the space between my skull and the costume. But it wasn’t a costume. Someone had sewn my flesh, throat, gullet and spine to the suit and wired the central nervous system to the suit. I peeled back some of the stuffing to find that the skull was easily slid off. I pulled out a piece of my own brain and looked at it. I instantly forgot my name, address and telephone number. I shoved the pieces of my brain back in and closed the costume.A tiny gnome came in, smiling at me. It was a three inch tall version of George lopez. “You’re almost ready to go on!” he sneered. Some weird occult men pushed me onto the stage. It was the..teletubbies set. Someone pressed a button and my ass hurt. I grabbed it and looked down at the television on my stomach, revealing a collection of horses being killed and skinned for human consumption. My stomach felt like it was bleeding. The hitler sun smiled at me.Something weird was going on here. I mean, I never signed up to be a teletubby. Where was I? I immediately tried to protest but instead I just started yelling. “HURKLE DURKLE!” I yelled. “HURKLE DURKE!” I screamed, most of my jaw not functioning. I could hear the gears grinding. Wait, the teletubbies always said their names. I guess that was my name. I grabbed tinky winky’s purse and wrapped it around his neck. I strangled him to death. I ripped off the triangle. A little boy in an ascot walked onto the set smiling and I picked him up and threw him at the set wall, killing him. I ran to the edge of the set door when the director started yelling.“CUT!” he yelled.The director’s chair swiveled around…it was George Jetson. Next to him sat Adolph Hitler, the executive producer. “That was good, Renaldo, but we need more emphasis on your anger. Remember, I’ve killed your family, ruined your taco bell dinner and turned your city into horses. You need to get more enraged. The people of planet Delta Exon Perseus Eight don’t want to see your struggles. They want to see YOU struggling. Note the difference. And show your ballsack once in a while so we can appeal to the Asian-American demographic.I had had enough. George picked up a megaphone. “Okay guys, we’ve got the creepy, but where’s the pasta!? To be honest this feels more like a gay porn.” Suddenly, some fettucini fell from the sky. It now occurred to me that any story could appear creepy on the superficial level. Add some fangs, bloodshot eyes or one character acting strange and it could easily be a “creepypasta”. “But I want to go deeper.” George said.We did hundreds, thousands of takes. Each time I engaged in some act of murdering an animal or homoeroticism involving produce. By the 180th take I insisted George Jetson let me go and he broke my arm. George offered me some coffee and we sat in a small cubicle room. He informed me that the Flinstones actually takes place in the future because George Jetson destroyed earth in the Jetsons that actually took place in the past. The fossil fuels that make up our modern day gasoline are actually made out of the corpses of our ancestors that had been ground down to a fine past through millions of years. “Every time you to the pump.” George said. “You’re putting the atoms of Elroy, daughter Judy and Jane into your motor vehicle.” I immediately grabbed a knife and stabbed George jetson. Using a pair of comedic scissors, I snipped off his ballsack and threw it out the window. He screamed in horror and pulled out a frost ray. Having no available weapons, he used the frost ray on his penis, ripped it off and stabbed me in the neck with it. I keeled over as the door opened and several Teletubbies including Hitler came in and stepped on my head. Ronald Mcdonald raised his comedic red clown shoe high above my head and brought it down with the almighty vengeance of a judge’s gavel.I woke up in a mental ward. I was bleeding, cold and naked. Evidently I had murdered 16 people and a cat. A nurse with a cardigan sweater came into check my pulse. He looked quite a bit like the actor who played Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He smiled at me in a way that sent a shiver up my spine. “The doctor will see you now…Renaldo.”TO BE CONTINUED

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