I've always been into nostalgia and I don't mean by the Nostalgia Critic wise. I just like to remember the good times.. before politics became such a topic to this day. I can quote iconic movie lines, wear clothes that were famous, and still have my 80s mullet without having people judge me three times a day.
Anyway, the point is is that I love Two Guys and a Girl! But there's a lost episode many people don't know about, including die hard fans... such as myself. I remembered being a huge fan when it was out, I remember when it use to be called: Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place, and I remember when the Barenaked Ladies performed. It's unusual to remember a show that wasn't even iconic but as I said, I love nostalgia.
I found the VHS tape at my job at the Ostrich farm. The farm is located next to a garbage facility so sometimes there are items on the Ostriches such as pants, unused insulin packets, and VHS tapes. I was taking care of the big Ostrich, George, he was acting disheveled in a way. I tried to feed him his lunch which consisted of leaves and sand. I reached my hands up to him so he could eat his food.
“Alright you big bird, here's lunch.” I said in my Big Bird accent that I use around the ostriches
Apparently he didn't like this and started flapping his wings and began making weird noises. George then bend his knees and few into the sky which was strange because Ostriches don't make those noises.
Now you're wondering where I got the lost tape of Two Guys and a Girl, well it just dropped out of the sky and I don't want to question that because fuck logic. Later that night I got home and I put in the VHS tape in expecting my favorite show.
Well.. you shouldn't always expect the best.
The theme played weird, like, it was just the three main characters: Berg, Peter, and Shanon dancing with no music. I just thought I had my TV on mute so I just assumed of copyright issues. The episode started off as Pete in a very happy mood, walking into the pizza shop and immediately seeing Berg.. who was played by Ryan Reynolds.
“Berg, today is the day I'm gonna ask Shanon to be my wife! I want her to be in my life forever, I just know it's gonna work.”
Berg wasn't in his happiest comedic mood when Pete entered the restaurant, I guess he seemed... disheveled in a way.
“Well...” he said as it was silent for like 30 seconds. “Congrats, you finally did it.”
The audience laughed so hard, they began clapping and making “woo” noises, which confused me because I've only seen a audience laugh like this when something funny happens.
“There's gonna be madness! MADNESS!” said Mr. Bauer, who was known to make up life experiences that were from movies. “In the future, we'll have fleshy duck beaks and sack of potatoes!” Mr. Bauer began to chew on his finger nails in a nervous tone.
“Mr. Bauer, calm down! I don't know what movie reference you are saying!” said Pete as he tried to calm him down. Mr. Bauer ran out of the pizza shop almost terrifying the customers.
I almost wanted to call the police even though there wasn't a crime, but I just wanted to tell them that I'm scared. You see, my parents were murdered by ducks when I was ten years old, it was on the day that Duck Tales debut so that's the only nostalgic show I cannot watch. But, I continued watching knowing my love of this show.
The next shot showed Pete knocking on Shanon's door, there was no answer. He knocks again.. still, no answer. Pete opens the door in an uneasy tone. “S-S-Ss-Shanon?” he said as he saw a chair that was backwords of him and her blond hair showing. He turn the chair to find Shanon as a skeleton, both me and Pete screamed out loud. There was hyper-realistic blood on the skeleton! But wait... THIS IS A LIVE TV SHOW! I screamed out: “WHO DID THIS?!” as the door open revealing the killer.
It was Berg.. who was played by Ryan Reynolds. I was shocked, how come a guy who wanted to be a doctor and was the only character who played Deadpool could kill one of his best friends? Ryan then formed a smile and said something that made me want to throw my TV out the window because it's plagiarism.
“Did I do that?” he said as he started to giggle profoundly, the audience began to laugh, the laughter turn to people coughing and loud thumps were heard indicating that they all died of laughter. The end credits began to show as the VHS tape stopped playing. It took me 12 minuets to analyze what I just watched. I got up and went to the kitchen to make two cans of Spaghetti O's and a cold glass of Milk. As I sat in my dinning room eating, I could hear the noises that George the Ostrich made today. I looked up, it was George the Ostrich but as he turned his head to the right, I saw a stranger.
“Hi, I'm Chris Hansen,” said Chris Hansen himself. “Could you explain why you watched that tape?” I was confused because I'm not a sex offender? I'm just a American who loves the nostalgic times, I clearly don't know why. “I'm a big fan of Two Guys and a Girl so I wanted to watch it.” I said as I gave him my best answer. I could feel sweat coming down my face and arms, and my breaths grew rapidly. “Did you know that the tape was lost for a reason?” I tried to answer but I fainted. I woke up in Goodwill realizing that I was just dreaming and that I needed to take my insulin shot.
I began to rub my eyes but felt a duck beak around my nose and mouth. I realized that I'm half duck and half human.
You shouldn't always expect the best, just the worst... but it's much better to remember the good times.